4th day of Rehearsl

This was primarily a movement workshop. We physically explored the words, "Panic" "Lost" "Fire" and "Dry".

I found the exploration of the word "Lost" to be particularly affective as a way into to the feeling. We took the word "Lost" in stages. 1 being the least and 3 being the most. In the first and 2nd stage I found an extremely similarity in movement to the word "Panic". But in the 3rd stage all three of us (Laura, Danny and I) found ourselves going inward and our movement became very small. Also sounds developed from high pitched moans to counting, singing or general babble. In a way, I had given up. There was nothing else but "lost". Just "lost". Lost is an active word and yet it is so hard to stay active in that state. It's painful. A nightmare.

We worked on the "split scene" again and I don't think we have nailed the ending yet. We need to get to the words, "I'm thirsty" because that is the last thing Howard heard Maude say. But right now it's forced.

By Saturday the scene needs to be memorized. We also need to bring in songs that Maude would sing to share with her daughters and a song she would share with Howard. In addition, I need to write what I think Maude thinks Howard is doing on Day 1, 6 and 13 during her lost journey. How do I get into that state? Lots of day dreaming I think.

In this process I feel very lost. Confused. I don't know where any of this is going and that is scarey. I want answers. I want to feel confident. I fear that 4 weeks is not enough time for this first phase. I want time to absorb more information. But in the world of creativity isn't that always the stuggle, creative process vs. time?