Last several days from week 2

We are starting to get into a groove with how Don works. After two weeks of working on the "split scene" we finally have a draft that is concise, packed with information and character development. We worked this scene over and over again for days and I found myself frustrated, wondering why we were spending so much time doing this. We would put the scene on it's feet, then sit down and discuss our findings and then the next day we would get a new draft with words taken away and added. By Saturday we felt good and yet we know it still isn't finished. Not even close.

At the sametime I feel like I directly contributed to the construction of this scene. We were asked to write about what Maude might be thinking during the 1st, 6th and 13th day of her "Lost" phase. I didn't realize how much the character had been developed subconsciously by doing this kind of work. Writing was almost effortless. Laura and I had very similar writings.

Shar has now joined us full time and Alex gave us some testosterone for a couple of session. A male presence is still very much needed in this project. I'm not sure if it can end up with an all woman cast. At least now, even though Maude is clearly the focus.

With so many girls we are exploring Maude and Howard's daughters and their relationship. We improv'd a scene all as siblings talking about "Mom" being lost. Don introduced the element of being in a slightly altered state, (i.e. high or drunk) to free up the conversation and emotional rollercoaster. Don has written another scene from this improv and Shar, Laura and I played the scene over and over and over. The cycle has begun again.

It is very very clear that there is NOT ENOUGH TIME for this phase of development. There is so much to explore and I fear the creative process is being hindered with the pressure of a performance in a couple of weeks. I do think a public showing should happen, it just feels too soon. And then after we do the presentation then what? Since I can't bring my critique and need to define things into the rehearsal room, this is where it is manifesting. :)

4th day of Rehearsl

This was primarily a movement workshop. We physically explored the words, "Panic" "Lost" "Fire" and "Dry".

I found the exploration of the word "Lost" to be particularly affective as a way into to the feeling. We took the word "Lost" in stages. 1 being the least and 3 being the most. In the first and 2nd stage I found an extremely similarity in movement to the word "Panic". But in the 3rd stage all three of us (Laura, Danny and I) found ourselves going inward and our movement became very small. Also sounds developed from high pitched moans to counting, singing or general babble. In a way, I had given up. There was nothing else but "lost". Just "lost". Lost is an active word and yet it is so hard to stay active in that state. It's painful. A nightmare.

We worked on the "split scene" again and I don't think we have nailed the ending yet. We need to get to the words, "I'm thirsty" because that is the last thing Howard heard Maude say. But right now it's forced.

By Saturday the scene needs to be memorized. We also need to bring in songs that Maude would sing to share with her daughters and a song she would share with Howard. In addition, I need to write what I think Maude thinks Howard is doing on Day 1, 6 and 13 during her lost journey. How do I get into that state? Lots of day dreaming I think.

In this process I feel very lost. Confused. I don't know where any of this is going and that is scarey. I want answers. I want to feel confident. I fear that 4 weeks is not enough time for this first phase. I want time to absorb more information. But in the world of creativity isn't that always the stuggle, creative process vs. time?

Wallowa - the Second Rehearsal

Don brought in a written draft of the scene we had improvised from before and I was so relieved to have a SCRIPT.  I guess I never realized how much I like knowing where "the edges of my box" are with regards to the text.  Improvising throughout this process is going to be a fantastic challenge and opportunity for me to stretch an obviously saggy muscle. I'm also enjoying the freedom I have with character development since I'm not really cast in the role and Sarah and I so far have had the chance to create a character based on both of our choices and ideas.  It's such a freeing way to approach the work.  I'm getting a sense of how much actor baggage I bring to the first rehearsal of a show.  It's like I'm all up in my character's grill.... We spent the evening exploring the moment Howard and Ora separate in the woods and in that exploration learned so much about the characters and their relationship.  Ora is very dramatic - her language in this draft colorful.  I think she is the kind of woman who lets Howard have the first crack at solving a problem then comes in and sorts it out after he has bungled it a bit. In this draft, Howard is really hard on himself.  He engages in some "beating himself up" about how the events of the last 24 hours have played out. I feel even more strongly that when they split up, they really have no idea just how lost they will become.  No one plans on getting lost.  People plan on getting out, getting found.  The realization of how lost you really are lags behind the reality of how lost you are.  I guess you could also think of that from the perspective of the person who is seconds away from being "found" is probably feeling the most "lost."  Your experience of your "lostness" isn't necessarily equivalent to the nature of your "lostness." When are you lost?  Is it when YOU feel lost?  What if you don't feel lost but everyone is freaking out because they can't find you?  You are lost to them but not to yourself.   Are you still "lost"?  And then Ora returns home and her memory is "lost."  So in a sense she is still lost to her family and friends.  While physically back from the mountains, she is mentally absent.  At what point do you mourn that?  Will her memory return or do you give up the hope of it and focus on creating new memories?  And how disappointing it must have been for her family to find her, but only a part of her.  Where did she go?

2nd Day "Wallowa"

Today Don brought in a scene that he wrote based on the improv we did in the first rehearsal. This was the "Split Scene". The scene where the couple splits up. The last time you see this couple together as a coherent couple, before both of their nightmares begin.

We tore the scene apart. Not critically but in that we explored about 100 of the 1000 ways the scene could go.

Laura and I both played the women's part. We tag teamed and jumped in an out. I enjoyed the experience because I was able to riff on Laura's choices and then watch as she riffed on mine. The character was this person outside of us and within us at the sametime. Two heads working to create a complete character. No judgement, no critiques, just endless possibilities.

A challenge for me is to keep an open mind. When I first read the scene Don wrote, I immediately wanted to critique it and give my two cents about what might be cut or what didn't make sense. But that kind of talk is not welcome and I appreciate that. Or at least it isn't welcome without first exploring all avenues. It's ALL still on the table and I need to remember that.

Wallowa - the First Rehearsal

My shoulders are sore!!  We did a lot of sun salutations which was a fantastic warm-up but now my arms are paying the price. Sarah did a great job of laying out the 3-part set up of our story so I won't repeat it here.  The thing I really came away from the evening with was the concept of PATIENCE with myself.  The improv exercises are challenging and I don't think I'm very good at them but I do believe Don when he says that when we are frustrated with repeating a scene over and over, the real breakthroughs will occur.  I think improv-ing an idea or conflict to see where it takes us is a great way to develop an idea. It takes some effort on my part to NOT go for the funny which is the more traditional comedy improv muscle that I have worked on.  Just being real, simple, true to the circumstances, listening - these are the tools for now.  And Ben-Gay....

First Day of Wallowa

Our first day of the Wallowa project consisted of an overview of the many parts of pieces of this project, clearly well mapped out by Don. The project looks like it will be in three stages, Call Out, Lost (I think) and Recovery.

My first impressions were... "Dear God what the hell is going on???" I'm learning that I will need to be patient with this process. There are more questions than answers.

We worked on improving a scene in which the couple tries to separate. I was impressed by how complicated we all made it. So much conflict! And then when we were finally sick of it, Laura said, Maybe they just separated. Maybe it wasn't a big deal. Which leads me to believe that we will need to get a lot out of our systems in order to find the specific. Those choice few words that say everything.

Our assignment for Thursday is to recall a story about when we were lost at some point in our life. I can't recall a time I was lost and wonder if my memory has blocked those memories out or at least those feelings. The feeling of being lost is such a scarey one. This project will tap into my deepest fear of being alone and being lost. It's primal. When I hike, I never leave the trail. I have hiked with ex-boyfriends who have wanted to leave the trail and I've fought tooth and nail to make them stay on it or simply refused to go along with them. I instinctively take inventory of where I am all the time, especially when I travel. So how do I find this place? How do I tap into something I fear most?

I particularly liked the movement exercises. Don is forcing us to take time to work together in movement. They start with a "follow the leader" component but then take on a life of their own and I find that brings out the other senses. The ones we don't rely on as much.